Lets not get weird now, you are left handed or what, I am in England at least 4 months out of the year and could arrange a lesson but what you are describing is stupid and I would never bother with it or you.
You must get with the program and set up proper to gain any respect or dignity.
I will email you when I plan to get to liverpool this summer but it will cost you big time, just kidding, eh, bud.