Originally Posted by LowPost42

For leaving putts short:

Would you like me to hold your purse next time?
You don't have to sneak up on it.
Did your skirt blow up in your eyes?
Does your husband play golf, too?

For blowing putts by the hole:

Nice touch, hammer.
Great drive!
That looked like the right line...
Did you even look at the hole?

For any shots that hit a tree:

Was that your tree wood?
Was that your tree iron?
Now you're lying tree.
So do you work in forestry?
A chainsaw might work better.
Do you prune the shrubs at home that way?

For wet balls:

How thoughtful - scuba lessons for your ball.
On the plus side, you get to use that nifty ball retriever.
While preparing to cross a water hazard, say "don't think about the water."

For balls in the sand:

(More than 1 ball in there): Beach Party!
Got a date with Lawrence of Arabia?
Bust out your buckets and shovels!
Aaaaah, time to play with the ol' girlfriend Sandy...

My personal favourite:

When somebody skies a tee shot:

Wave your hand over your face like you're flinging off a face mask, and run after the ball with your arm and hand out, palm up, screaming 'Mine!' (I call this the catcher) as you keep your eyes on the ball. Guys bust up every time.