Duck walks into a pub

A duck walks into a pub and asks the barman: "Got any bread"

Barman: "No"

Duck "Got any bread"

Barman "No"

Duck "Got any bread"

Barman "I said no"

Duck "Got any bread"

I just F***ing said NO!

Duck "Got any bread"

Barman "If you ask for bread again I will nail your F***ing beak to the door

Duck "Got any nails"

Barman "No"

Duck "Got any bread"

paul mccartney bought heather mills a wooden leg, its not her main present just a stocking filler!

he got her a remington ladyshave and a black + decker sander for the other leg

he was asked what he used to do when she became unstable, he said he used to stick a couple of beer mats under her wooden leg

Two posts in one.

A Happy Christmas from soggy shandy drinking sarf London and a tasteles response to Slat's joke.

Heather Mills Mcartney's Pussy

Attached Images

HMP.jpg (8.0 KB, 10 views)

in hindsight making fun of someone with a wooden leg is a bit prosthetic

In happier times, Paul was taking Heather to the doctor for a checkup. He came to the nurse at reception and said "This is my wife with a prosthetic leg named Heather", to which the nurse replied "What's the name of her other leg?"

Broke my heart when I heard she has dutch elm disease

Duck walks in the Pub,

Duck: Asks for a pint and a pasty

Barman: I can't believe it a talking Duck

Duck: So what says the duck there are three of us working on the building site across the road.

'This goes on for days, the duck keeps poping in for a pint and a pasty'

Duck walks in a week later..........

Barman: we had the Circus Master in here the other week, he says he could really do with someone like you.

Duck: What the f**k does he want with a plasterer.


Happy Boxing day.

Ian.

Three guys died in an accident and went to heaven. When they got there, St. Peter said, "We only have one rule in heaven. Don't step on the ducks!"
So they entered heaven and sure enough, there were ducks all over the place. It was almost impossible not to step on a duck and although they tried their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally stepped on one.
Along came St. Peter with the ugliest woman he ever saw. St. Peter chained them together and said, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly woman".
The next day, the second guy stepped accidentally on a duck and along came St. Peter, who didn't miss a thing, and with him was another extremely ugly woman. He chained them together with the same admonishment as the first.
The third guy had observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, was very careful where he stepped. He managed to go for months without stepping on any duck. But one day, St. Peter came up to him with the most gorgeous woman he had ever laid eyes on. St. Peter chained them together without saying a word.
The guy remarked, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all eternity"? She replied, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

A man walks into a pharmacy run by three middle aged spinsters. He asks the woman at the counter if they can give him something for a permanent erection. The woman says "I need to consult with my two sisters" She returns after ten minutes and says "We can give you half the business, £60,000 a year and a company car"

Brian

The one about the 3 spinsters really made me laugh. Very funny.