Apologies in advance.....

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home. 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded. 'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.' She looked down at his shoes and said: 'You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!'

Cheers

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Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe....

Don't worry Craig; this makes yours look good. On a related theme.
Daddy’s Home: The Phone Call

The little girl answers the phone.
“Hello?”


"Hello darling - this is Daddy. Is Mummy near the phone?"


"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But darling, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."


"Oh yes I do and he's upstairs in the room with Mummy, right now."

Another brief pause, "Oh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mummy that Daddy's car just turned into the drive."


"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened?" he asked.

"Well, Mummy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran
around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all – I think she’s dead.”


“Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"


"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool - I think he's dead too"

After a long pause there was a longer pause and then Daddy asks the question.


Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? ......This is 486-5731 isn’t it?



Ah well mistakes do happen.

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I firmly believe that we should try to experience all that life affords, except, perhaps, bestiality and of course Morris Dancing.