A Golf Joke

One morning one of the regulars named John came into the club house, his voice raspy and he could barely speak. The other members said John what happen to you. He said I was playing the 13th yesterday that long dogleg right next to the cow pasture and of course as usual I sliced it right into the field. Well I guess I had been looking for ball for quite awhile when I noticed the group behind us had caught up, and one of them must have sliced over here to, because they were looking around too. I found this cow laying on the ground and he had a ball right there by his tail. Well I looked at it and it was a Titilist 3, I was using a Titilist 4, so I picked up the cows tail, yelled over to the lady, "Hey Lady does this look like yours" and she his in the throat with a nine iron.

A guy turns up at his club for a game of golf on his own and the starter pairs him up with a woman.

They play the round together and the woman is a great golfer and wins hands down. He asks her if she would like to join him for a drink in the clubhouse, she accepts, they get on really well and afterwards have a good kissing session in his car.

They get together every week for the next month and have the game of golf, a drink and kissing session.

At the end of a month they are in the car together and the woman says "I have a confession to make to you" He says "Whats that" She says "I am not a woman, I am a transvestite"

He jumps out the car and yells "You dirty cheating B*****d" She says "What because I am a transvestite" He hollers "NO, you were playing off the red tees!!!!!"

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Best Regards
Brian

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Funny o'l game!

Four married guys go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued:

First Guy: "Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"

Fourth Guy: "I don't want to talk about it. Let's just say that the foundation for the new house is being poured next Tuesday."

Equal privileges


A country club didn't allow women on the golf course. eventually, there was enough pressure that they decided to allow women on the course during the week. The ladies were satisfied with this arrangement, formed a women's club, and became active. After about 6 months, the club board received a letter from the women's club complaining about the men urinating on the golf course. Naturally, they just ignored the matter. After another 6 months, they received another letter reminding them of the previous letter and demanding action. After due deliberation they sent the women a letter advising them that they had been granted equal privileges!

Newly-weds

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age." The wife continues "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to callroom service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to call roomservice to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."

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Leepy

Driver: Taylormade R7 9.5 stiff
4+ wood: Callaway steelhead 3
Rescue club: Taylormade
Irons: Mizuno MP-32 stiff shaft
PW: Cleveland 900 series
SW: Cleveland 900 series
LW: Cleveland CG10
Putter: Odyssey 2ball steel insert blade
Ball: Callaway HX Tour Black

leepy,
thats got to be one of the funnies jokes I have ever heard, nice one.

thanks slf, its one of my favourites. Whereabouts in the uk are you?

Leepy,
I am in stevenage, herts

A guy is playing golf, hits the ball off the tee, big slice and hits a woman out cold.

He calls the emergency service on his mobile and asks for an ambulance.

The person at the emergency service asks "What happened"

He says "I hit a woman with my golf ball"

The person asks "Where did you hit her"

He says "between the first and second hole"

The person says "Not much room for a bandage then"

Slf

Do you get to play any of the courses surrounding London, like Slinfold, Rusper, Gatton Manor etc. Im in Horndean just outside Portsmouth on the South Coast.

Nice joke Brian I like that alot

Golfing with an older man

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall."
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Leepy,
never played near london, i play in herts, Beds and stared playing in essex. great courses in Essex ,so far)

A elderly golf player with failing sight was having problems with seeing where his golf ball was landing so he advertised for a caddy with good eyesight to accompany him.

An elderly Gentleman older than himself came to see about the job. The guy asked him about his eyesight, the caddy said he had recently had laser eye surgery and his sight was like an eagle. The guy gave him the job.

The first round together the golfer tees up, drives the ball up the fairway, the two of them walk off.

The Golfer says to the caddy "Did you see where my ball landed"

The caddy said "Yes I did"

The golfer says "Where is it then"

The caddy replies "I cant remember"

__________________
Best Regards
Brian

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Funny o'l game!

Bob stood over his tee shot on the eighteenth hole for what seemed like forever. He'd waggle, look down, look up, waggle, look down, look up, but would never start his backswing.

Finally David, his playing partner, asked, "Why on earth are you taking so long to make this shot?"

"My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse, and I want to make this shot a good one," said Bob.
"Good Lord," said David, "you ain't got a chance of hitting her from here."

A man and his friend meet at the club house and decide to play a round of golf together. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt, the little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs.


The friend is quite amazed at this clever trick and says, "That dog is really talented! What does he do if you miss a putt?"

"Somersaults," says the man.

"Somersaults?!" says the friend, "That's incredible. How many does he do?"

"Hmmm," says the man. "That depends on how hard I kick him in the ass."

__________________
Best Regards
Brian

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Funny o'l game!

The Prime Minister of Israel challenges the Vatican to a golf match.One of the cardinals goes to the pope to inform him.The cardinal says"I think the prime minister is trying to make you look foolish.He knows none of our cardinals play golf." "The Pope say's"then find a good golfer and make him a cardinal.So they approach Jack,and offer him an honoury cardinalship.Being a devout chatholic,he accepted.
After the match, Jack phone's the Pope",this is Cardinal Jack Nickalaus your grace.I have some good news,and bad news". "Whats the good news"?.I have never hit the ball so long,hit my irons so close to the pin,i putted like God.It was obviously heaven inspired,a heavenly intervention. "Whats the bad news"?.'I got beat by three shots"Who by" the shocked Pope said" ----"Rabbi Tiger Woods"