famous golf quotes

1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.
~ Grantland Rice

2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
~ John Updike

3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
~ Robert Lynd

4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
~ Horace G. Hutchinson

5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.
~ Gardner Dickinson

6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.
~ Sam Snead

7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
~ William Wordsworth

8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
~ Dean Martin

9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.
~ Tommy Bolt

10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.
~ Bishop Sheen

11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
~ Arnold Palmer

12. My handicap? Woods and irons.
~ Chris Codiroli

13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
~ Pete Dye

14. I'm hitting the woods just great, but having a terrible time getting out of them!
~ Buddy Hackett

15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.
~ Billy Graham

16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
~ Jack Lemmon

17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
~ Mark Twain

18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
~ Harry Vardon

19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.
~ Jimmy Demaret

20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.
~ Ben Hogan

21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.
~ All Us Hackers

22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
~ George Deukmejian

AND FINALLY...............

23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
~ Lee Trevino

24. Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.
~ Winston Churchill

Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad. ~A.A. Milne


Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. ~P.G. Wodehouse

I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game: it's called an eraser. ~Arnold Palmer

I'm about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That's the distance my left ear is from my right. ~Ben Crenshaw

Golf is like a love affair. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. ~Arthur Daley

Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can't play it. ~Ted Ray

The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum of the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes. ~Michael Green

Golf is like an 18-year-old girl with big boobs. You know it's wrong but you can't keep away from her. ~Val Doonican

It's easy to see golf not as a game at all but as some whey-faced, nineteenth-century Presbyterian minister's fever dream of exorcism achieved through ritual and self-mortification. ~Bruce McCall

Forget your opponents; always play against par. ~Sam Snead

If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. ~Horace G. Hutchinson

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. ~William Wordsworth

What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive. ~Arnold Palmer

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. ~Phyllis Diller

Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour. ~Author uncertain, attributed to Alex Hay

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick. ~P.J. O'Rourke

The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for front-line workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become. ~Author Unknown

Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom. ~Michael Green

If your opponent is playing several shots in vain attempts to extricate himself from a bunker, do not stand near him and audibly count his strokes. It would be justifiable homicide if he wound up his pitiable exhibition by applying his niblick to your head. ~Harry Vardon

And Finally:

Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course. ~Lee Trevino

__________________
Best Regards
Brian

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Funny o'l game!

Very good read fellas. I can't add anything to it.

I like Sam Sneads quote about playing par and forgetting about your opponent.