If you ask someone during tournament play if this is a penalty

If you ask someone during tournament play if a certain situation is a penalty or if there is a question on a drop and they say no or they dont think so and a rules official is not around to ask are you penalized after the round if you find you broke a rule?

Depends on whether stroke play or match play. As a general principal a player is responsible for any decision - unless made by an official.

Lets say there's a dispute over free relief.

Stroke Play

Play two balls (one dropped , one as it lies) and make it clear (before playing !) which will count if relief is available. Note both scores and clarify later. If you only play one ball and get it wrong you will get penalised later.

Match Play

The option to play a second ball does not apply and the players should find a solution and carry on. If they cannot agree the opponent must make a formal claim or objection (with reasons) there and then and clarify the point with the committe later.

Asking for or giving information about the rules is not breaking the rule about 'advice'.

Edited
Sorry that doesn't answer the question you asked. See my correct post below

This doesnt sound right to me.
You are basically having two goes at the one shot!

You are always personally responsible for knowing the rules, except when you are adviced by a tournament judge / rules official. So if someone tells you something that turns out to be bogus, you are still the one that gets punished.

If in doubt, always play an alternate ball (if possible) just as aaa suggests. And, no, that is not the same as getting two tries for the same shot: only one of the balls (the correct) are actually counted. Which one is decided by the tournament committe after the game.

Sorry misread your question. The answer in strokeplay is in
Rule 3-3 Doubt as to Procedure
a. Procedure
In stroke play, if a competitor is doubtful of his rights or the correct procedure during play of a hole he may, without penalty, complete the hole with two balls.
After the doubtful situation has arisen and before taking further action, the competitor must announce to his marker or a fellow-competitor that he intends to play two balls and which ball he wishes to count if the Rules permit. If he fails to do so, the provisions of Rule 3-3b(ii) apply.
The competitor must report the facts of the situation to the Committee before returning his score card. If he fails to do so, he is disqualified.
b. Determination of Score for Hole
(i) If the ball that the competitor selected in advance to count has been played in accordance with the Rules, the score with that ball is the competitor's score for the hole. Otherwise, the score with the other ball counts if the Rules allow the procedure adopted for that ball.
(ii) If the competitor fails to announce in advance his decision to complete the hole with two balls, or which ball he wishes to count, the score with the original ball counts, provided it has been played in accordance with the Rules. If the original ball is not one of the balls being played, the first ball put into play counts, provided it has been played in accordance with the Rules. Otherwise, the score with the other ball counts if the Rules allow the procedure adopted for that ball.
Note 1: If a competitor plays a second ball under Rule 3-3, the strokes made after this Rule has been invoked with the ball ruled not to count and penalty strokes incurred solely by playing that ball are disregarded.
Note 2: A second ball played under Rule 3-3 is not a provisional ball under Rule 27-2.